Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
