If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
