i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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