i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
