She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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