I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
