cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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