What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
