I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
