dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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