I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
