when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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