Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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