Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
