why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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