I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
