I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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