I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
