Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So many bounce houses so little time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
