this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
