ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we made out on top of his cat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
