I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
