I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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