Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
