he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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