The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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