We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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