his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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