my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This baby is an asshole
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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