youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
