your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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