It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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