batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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