I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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