I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
