i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
