I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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