Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Be still, my beating vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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