M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
