Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
