You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
