Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
