i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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