I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
