Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
