i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
