I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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