how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
