i was born a porn star she said
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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