I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
