Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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