Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
