Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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