Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
