you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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