Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
