It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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