dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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