how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
