Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
