Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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