I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
