The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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