so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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