My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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