that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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