i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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