I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
