I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize