If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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