Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
