When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
