3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
