I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
