then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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